she told me I was intriguing once each day
I could make stories of demons and pain
Little did she know I endure it everyday
Help me, please
I want to get away
I’m sorry I’m shaking so much and my hands are slipping off the wheel please get out of the car and don’t kiss me. Please for the love of god don’t kiss me when you’re gone I want to swerve off the free way and kiss death instead as I’m trapped inside this car singing paradise.
I have a scratch just across my left knee and
one more scratch across my hip
I can’t stop tracing my hands across the skin you once touched
It was only two days ago I yelped as you handled me too rough and I kissed you in reply
Two days and now you’re gone
The last thing you said was “I still love you.”
I just wish you died for something beautiful and not your pain
This is not a poem
This is not beautiful
Self destruction is never tragically beautiful
This is a goodbye
(Please) don’t let me sink this low again. I wish I could just (stop) these thoughts in my head (leaving) me breathless. Although you were always good at leaving (me) gasping and chocking on the sticky tar that filled my lungs as if you were my cigarette between my lips to make me (numb) this time. I think perhaps you were never good for me but I wanted you (and) now you want her how am I supposed to sleep? When you’re (really) hurting me. I just want to (fucking) sleep but I’m feeling so (vulnerable).
(It) isn’t normal to feel so much hate towards someone who (leaves) me craving passion. I think the fact each cigarette I smoked to keep myself warm so I could keep messaging you was taking it’s inevitable toll on (me). With each message you sent I was left with the fear of (wanting) you to admit I wasn’t alone and you would never leave. I’ve learnt (to) be careful about what you want as I’m full of certainty to outcome shouldn’t make you want to (die). You said I couldn’t die because then you would feel it was a murder. I suppose I should say good (for) you because even though it was mostly your fault, maybe I just wanted to rest in fucking (peace). Luckily for you I’ve found the same peace radiating through a cold room where I wish you were beside me by crying all alone I stepped up and learnt I was acting pathetic.
the last time i was left alone out at sea i began thinking about how easy it would be to take a few steps into the water and let my body pull me in deeper
the last time i was out at sea we were talking still, and laugh, oh god the laugher pulled me back and the waves pushed me under i told you
“I swear to god the waves were begging me to kiss them until they tucked me in”
You told me my writers mind was too strong
we’re not talking anymore and i can hear the sea begging
I know right now you may be hurting as if there are storm clouds raging above you and somehow you’re being struck with every stroke of lightning and however much you beg someone ‘please don’t let me get hit again’ they laugh and they say ‘at least it’s not me’. My sweetheart,
I know you feel like there’s knives in every inch of your back and you can’t reach to pull them out. I know you feel like if you ask somebody to help they will tell you it’s too deep and how you need a doctor but sweetheart, they just want to see you suffer.
However deep you may be sinking I can pull you back aboard. Please do not drown in the shore because someone is too busy to throw you a life jacket. Do not go down because somebody is telling you you’re taking the whole damn ship with you.
You are the most beautiful type of person I’ve ever seen and the dark edges of your mind don’t change a thing about that. Let me in, I can light you up.
sixteen truths about breakups that i learnt before i was even sixteen
i. do not think that building a home out of someone will keep you safe, dry and warm. There may be the warning signs of cracking but when it finally caves my god will it pour.
ii. when you reach out your hands in the middle of the night and are welcomed with empty space and a cold side of the bed embrace it instead of crying into it. They may no longer be there but someone else will consume the space eventually.
iii. although writing their name over your textbooks three months ago seemed like a good idea, it’s not now. Tixpex it out.
iv. there comes a time after you’ve been heartbroken that you’re not sure if it’s possible for the heart to actually snap in two, i can assure you it’s still together, you’re just not right now, and that’s okay.
v. certain places are going to make you feel like you’re swallowing acid but that isn’t such a bad thing, it let’s you know that the numbness of them being missing hasn’t cut you off entirely.
vi. calling them up drunk isn’t going to fix what’s happened, yes they say when you’re drunk your words are true but don’t be so hard on yourself. It may not have been you who wasn’t so truthful.
vii. the nights that you sit up crying into your pillows trying to see if the smell is even the slightest bit like he used to engulf you within, coffee is your best friend in the morning. Don’t think that means you have to get out of bed though, chocolate and becoming a day sleeper is totally okay too. (and fully acceptable no matter what anyone tries to tell you)
viii. if someone tells you, ‘he was never good enough for you anyway, love.’ you have full permission and the right to tell them to fuck off. (even if he wasn’t good enough it hurts enough to know they left you, who are they to say who’s good enough when you feel so much like that’s you)
ix. sleeping under the stars one night and wishing the night sky would drag you away and burn you into stardust may seem like such a good idea when the blackness of the night represents the blackness of your emptiness right now, but there’s stars, there’s light. Doesn’t that just show you’ll be lit up again someday?
x. our body’s are constantly changing and one day there will be skin that hasn’t been tainted of them and isn’t that proof enough life changes and moves on.
xi. wishing them dead because it would be easier if they were so there was no ‘they might come back’ washing through your head i know is such a pleasant thought sometimes, but it would be worse for you, so maybe just pretending they’re dead is enough.
xii. burning up the photographs and slips of paper with their name on may indeed help you to feel better about yourself - if you want to pretend they don’t exist and it never happened, do.
xiii. love consumes you but there’s more than the love that you had with them, love is all around you in the way your best friend says ‘message me as soon as you’re home, it’s icy out.’ don’t let this make you bitter over love.
xiv. call an old friend, make amends, sometimes falling asleep on the phone to a voice you used to be so familiar with helps stop the sinking feeling as you drift away for the night.
xv. the sound of their name rolling off someone’s tongue will always make you feel some emotion for the months after but there will come a day where the thoughts of them don’t make you feel a thing at all.
xvi. don’t punish yourself for waking up one morning and not thinking about them for half of the day. It’s a good thing, you’re happy, moving on, one day you won’t think about them at all.
i fell in love on a Tuesday
with a girl with perfect brown ringlets in her hair
they fell to her hips and swung
while she walked and i never understood
why she hid her face behind her beautiful ringlets
she was the most beautiful girl i had ever seen
my god she was intelligent too
she used to curl her fingers around her ringlets
whenever someone looked her way
or called upon her in class
i fell in love on a Tuesday but by the Wednesday after she was gone
"i fell in love on a Tuesday
with this girl who would always smile towards me at class
she asked me why i always played with my ringlets and told me that my face illuminated the room
more than any sun could
to you, i curled my ringlets
wishing they were blades cutting me apart and letting me collapse in on myself
i fell in love on a Tuesday and i hope you find love someday too.”